this girl has my heart...

So. Honestly? I do not want to post another woe is me post.....at least for a while. But this is my blog. This is my story. And I want this archived so that I can remember it. I remember nothing. Truly. I don't know what it is but everything ends up mushing together in my brain and I can't remember what kid did what and when. I hate it. Because people ask me questions about my kids and I feel like a bad mom for not remembering. Or the kicker, my KIDS ask me questions about them being little and I have to think long and hard for an answer.

Anyways, that is not what this post is about.

Every Wednesday the 4 big kids go to youth group. Lulu {nickname} and I are here with the terrorists, ahem, I mean twins and we kind of have a nice time. We don't usually do much. She usually gets the laptop to herself. I put the twins to bed. But it is quiet. And our cozy space is less crowded.

Well, something happened tonight, probably starting with dinner that ended up being amazingly yummy BUT wasn't going as completely planned. It was a stretch. Anywho, I started getting in that downward spiral mood. Reality started sinking in ever so hard. The terrorists weren't cooperating with bed time. I had been having uncomfortable nonstop braxton hicks all. day. long. And my uterus was exhausted {IS exhausted!!} Men, skip this next sentence....I was having so much pressure when standing that I thought....How am I gonna go 9 1/2 more weeks, this can't be normal, she is gonna fall out any minute. Then these thoughts started overflowing....I am alone. I am parenting alone most of the time. Parenting 7 kids, 2 of which are 3 yrs old and are rotten {not always, probably not even 50% of the time, but whatever}....and they are home with me all. day. long. I don't have transportation. I have kids that want things, and they aren't over the top things. Just regular things that they should be able to have. And we don't have our support system, our family is so far away. How am I gonna do this alone, all summer when I can barely move now? I could list more but I will spare you....{your welcome *wink*}

So, amidst all those thoughts that the enemy enjoyed filling my mind with, I lost it. Of course you add a dash of pregnancy hormones to all that crap and tears were just a flowing. All along, Lulu was on her coveted-all-alone-no-bigger-siblings-to-steal-laptop time. She will usually go to a few learning sites, a few fun sites, beg me for a facebook, youtube.....she LOVES youtube, because she loves music, she usually listens to coutnry or hiphop. But she must've heard me {who didn't?} and she quietly stopped whatever she was doing on her coveted laptop time, while I am on the couch sobbing, in pain and she in the other room, starts to play and sing worship music. For me. She won't admit that's why {because yes, of course I asked her later!!} She just smirked and shrugged her shoulders. She is in double digits now, ya know and is way to cool.

The first song she played was this and another was this. She ended with this this. There were others. But these stick out. It was a pretty awesome moment. She sang and sang, song after song. I love that she went straight to worship music. Her brain, her heart, in her room went straight to work. It is pretty awesome. What a blessing she is!! And what great songs!

This girl has my heart, all of it.

Oh, and I could use some cake!!