Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I've decided

to follow Jesus.

Well, we already knew that. But I have really decided to follow Jesus. Yep. I've decided. I didn't really have  a choice in the matter. But that is besides the point. Here's the deal.

Two years  ago I was living my life. It was a typical life. Well, kind of. Nothing about me has ever or will ever be typical. But it was my normal nonetheless. My normal included being a taxi driver, chef, very involved in our church & children's programs, I was involved w/ the kids' much as I could be with 18 month old twins, we were renting a home that we were in the process of buying {it wasn't our dream home, but our dream was to have had the tiniest kitchen in the world, but we loved it}. Our normal was on track for us. Then out of nowhere....blindsided.

Fired. Unemployed. We were just sure it was all gonna blow over, that is why we pay unions right?? Not this time. Over the next 2 years it has been one blindside after another. Tragic stuff. I couldn't even begin to explain it all. Honestly? Most days I feel I must be inane. This stuff doesn't happen to normal people. It just doesn't. My family, my friends, me....we're just like.....something else? Really???? I truly have some stellar people who love me. Who pray for us. Who are so burdened for us. Everyone I know wants to fix 'it'. I want to fix 'it'. Here's the thing.....There isn't an easy/quick fix. Most days I look at the entire picture & I'm overcome with enormous amounts of anxiety, fear, guilt, anger & hopelessness. I wonder when will things be normal again? When will we have a home? "I don't know how you do it" I hear often. Seriously? I don't either. And most days I don't do 'it' gracefully. Or with joy. Oh, how I'm working on counting it all joy. I often tell myself...."Get over you, Job lost EVERYTHING"!!!

I read the other day on facebook 'where there is not struggle there is no strength.' I literally said out loud.....Well, we're gonna be some strong some ma bleeps {only I didn't say bleep...I think you get my drift}.

Back to I've decided....

I've been fighting the 'waiting on God' with the 'I gotta fix this there has to be something I can do' or the 'we have to get back home there just isn't any other options'. I've planned how we're gonna move back to our family....500 times. I've rationed in my mind....we shouldn't have moved here...over a million times . We were nuts. I picture the caravan that brought all our stuff here. I remember my complete faith then. I remember how we jumped in with blind faith knowing God had amazing things in store.

So I've decided that God still has amazing things in store. I've also decided that Satan is so intimidated by us & by what God has in store for us that he is desperately trying to do everything to knock us down, to defeat us. Everything. I decided to wear him out. To do everything I can to knock him down. Everything.

You wanna join me as I balance living on a wing and a prayer....while I continue to fight, fix 'it' & wait on God all at the same time??

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Going Wordless



Did ya really think I was gonna go wordless??

That would be like Satan offering you a spot in heaven....or would it? Whatever. I don't know.

But you are in luck because it is the night before Halloween and I have costumes to still assemble......yes, Last Minute Lucy over here!! Wait is not having to hear my thoughts lucky for you?? Don't answer that!!

Ok, so I will keep it short, because I am short on time!! Seriously!! My hot glue gun is on!

So I'll leave ya with a lil bit of twinsy love!!

Now to go finish costumes!!! Are you a Last Minute Lucy too??

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The Bestest

So, I am just sitting here minding my own business. Enjoying the quiet. On facebook. Pinterest. Listening to Pandora. And listing on ebay.

And here I see these pics of my kiddos.

And I thought...."Is there anything better than watching my big kids loving the little ones?"

The lil one on the balance bike challenged the bigger to a bike race. As far as he is concerned he is just as fast. He follows him and his friends around like he is one of the boys. He calls him his best friend. I get to watch best friendships being formed. And I love it!

Oh, and the one holding Miss Dolly? He is just as beautiful inside, as he is on the outside!

Is there anything better? Nope. It is the bestest!

What is your bestest??

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Right now

Over the last two and a half months I have tried to blog.

 I wrote a dream post about how I could not dream that day.

I wrote about how I am lonely in this {new} small {tiny} town.

I wrote a letter to my 16 year old.

I wrote a letter to all my children.

I wrote about what I was thankful for. 

And going from a family of 9 to family of 10.

And a remember me post.....

But I didn't publish any. I could not hit the publish button.

So what have I been doing? Well? Livin!

I am a mama of 8 now. Gasp! Life is busy!

We are still technically homeless <-----don't think you can ever get used to that!!

I parent alone during the week while the husband lives an hour away for work. At the end of most nights I am beat. Mentally exhausted, really. I hate the separation. I hate that he comes home for the weekend, just to leave again. I hate how it affects our kiddos. Or that he doesn't really get to know the baby. How she likes to be held or hear the knew sounds she is making. I hate not getting to unwind in the evenings watching tv with him....or that I do not have a partner to share the day to day goings on with. Grades, sports, high points and low....he misses it a lot! I'm sure any single parent or military spouse can understand!

There are dinners to be cooked. Walks to take preschoolers on. Playdough to make. Park know, anything to tire these kids out! I mean the energy they have is redonkulous! Homework. Books to read. And of course if you are me, reality tv shows to watch!

We just had homecoming. We live in a small town {If I haven't mentioned that like 429 times} and they do things different here. There is a Homecoming Parade that goes through the center of town. They have class floats and a contest for each class that includes spirit week! My older girls rode on their class floats and the kids got to watch them. The twins LOVED it! Not gonna lie, I got teary-eyed when seeing them on the floats. As much as I want/need to be back home, there really are some neat things about living in a small town that they would not experience in a big city! There are pros and cons to everything, aren't there....well, most things!

We are finishing up fall sports. I think we will have a couple months off before we do other sports. That will be a great break.

I still have laundry and dishes for days, just like any other mama of many!!

Right now I am enjoying peppermint mocha coffee creamer in my coffee....which is weird because I am more of a spice/cinnamon/chai tea girl!

Fall is just amazing and beautiful isn't it??? I love the crisp air. The rain, at least in the beginning ;) The leaves falling and drying out and crunching when you walk on them. We were driving on the highway the other day and my 3 1/2 yr old noticed the leaves were yellow on the trees. She was so excited. Be still my heart. You mean she has been paying attention to me?!?! Shut it!

I will leave you with a picture of the yumminess I call Miss Dolly.

I told you it was yummy!! ;) Don't ya just want to kiss those cheeks!

Well, that is a lil bit of what has been going on over here! What have you been up to?

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

What motivates you??

I recently joined a group on facebook that is geared around supporting one another with online sales. I have learned a ton from them! It is really a neat thing to see genuine people wanting to help others! I didn't tell my whole story right away! I did let some people in on the seriousness of needing to make a success out of resale, but I didn't fully come out and say I was homeless. Until yesterday. The out pour of support and encouragement was astounding. I was overwhelmed with good wishes, prayers and people wanting to help.

Honestly, I was worried that I would receive hate mail because we are on our 8th child. I have heard it my face and behind my back! But it was total opposite...."any baby is a blessing" and "big families are the best" are just a couple of the things that were said!! It was awesome!

Many people said how I have tons of motivation.....meaning my children. And I do. Many things motivate me.....but my kids are my motivation right now! I have to make this work for them. Look at these two?

That is motivation right there!

What motivates you?

Thursday, July 19, 2012

If only they would have told me, recycled

I haven't really blogged since I published this last Monday.

I have had tons of things to write about. Like that fact that I actually had an almost full or normal ob appt, after I told the receptionist that this was the worst ob office I have ever been to......and I've been to a few *wink*!! Or how I hate that Mondays my husband leaves for the week. Or how I seriously can barely exaggerating there people! Or that I am just a tad mad that we are still here. Or how my baby boy turned 12. Or how I love that the big kids are old enough and responsible enough to walk to the lake for the day. Oh, I had stuff to write.....but I just couldn't write. So, I decided to follow a writing prompt this week to get me out of my writing funk. The prompt I chose was recycling a favorite post from July from any year you've been blogging. So, I went to my old blog and found this glorious post from last July! I'm happy I did!

If I would've been told

That at times I'd want a return policy for these lil ragamuffins {ok, not permanent, just for a day...}

That I'd want a glass of wine even though I hate the taste of it!!

That I'd also like some cheese with that WHINE.

That sometimes its hard to put your big girl panties on.

That seriously, sometimes things just don't make sense.

That far too often, I'd like to just quit.

Kids get more expensive as they get older.....they REALLY do people!!

That food disappears faster than it comes into the house.

The garden hose won't entertain forever!!

Those cute lil baby toes turn into big stinky monsters!!

Just as soon as you think you've 'gotten there' you may have to take a few steps backwards.

That in life to grow, you have to get out of your comfort zone!

It wouldn't have made a difference....I'd do it all again.

Oh, and by the way....I am pretty sure most of these things I have been told.

How about you? What would you have still done, even if you've been warned?

I'm linking up today with Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

Saturday, July 7, 2012

just a girl with a dream....or 500

Today is Friday. I get to share with you another dream, wish or desire!

This weeks dream is pretty simple. 

It won't come with a great story or fascinating pictures.

It probably won't bring tears to your eyes or pull at your heart strings.

But you will get it. 

You will understand!! 

I have to say I haven't lived without one in over ten years! 10 whole years!

Most people have one. 

I'd like to remind you that I have 7 children.

My hands would appreciate one.

My kids would love one.....because on their day to do this particular chore it would make their lives easier!

I am sure you have probably guessed it!

I dream about having a dishwasher again. Oh, how simple. Oh, how quick.

Yep, that is it. A dishwasher.

Do you blame me?? *wink*

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

My ten things....

So I was watching Bravo the other night. Don't judge me, but I am a Real Housewives {even though they are not the average housewife...but whatev!} junky! Last night a new show came on that was called 10 Things That Make Me Happy. So, I thought I'd give you a list of my 10 things, but I couldn't or didn't want to limit it to 10, so I give you 15! Of course these things exclude my family and my faith. They are strictly things!

15. Chick Flicks...this used to be a biggy for me. I am so behind on movie watching, but I love a good chick flick!

14. Magazines! ALL kinds....from home decor to cooking, crafting to parenting.....magazines make me happy! 

13. I went a long time before I purchased a down comforter. How did I live before?? Comforters NO more!  My down comforter makes me real happy!

12.  Gotta love cozy socks! I love cutesy and comfy socks! Print or wool! Socks make me happy!

11. Mascara!! I love mascara. If I don't wear any other make up, I will add  mascara before I leave the house. It opens up my face. It makes me look alive. A good mascara makes me happy!

10. Like I stated in my about me I love tshirts! Love a good fitting girl tshirt....not a boy one, a girl one!! It has to be soft and cozy! T-shirts make me happy!

9. From the time I was a young teenager, with wavy hair, I have loved Aussie Sprunch Spray! Love it! I love the scent. I love how it makes my hair look. I love the purple aerosol can. Aussie Sprunch Spray makes me happy!!

8. Fresh painted toenails!! Love, love, love! I love a pedicure, but even if I am unable to get a good pedi, I am able {kinda} to do one for myself. Fresh painted toenails make me happy!!

7. Cooking. I really like to make a great dish that everyone loves. I love to cook for my family. Now, I do get burnt out on the daily x3 cooking/meals that need to be prepared. But I do love when I make something outstanding {like tonight's homemade veggie white sauce pizza *wink} and we all love it!

6. Crafting! I love crafting. Any crafts. All crafts. Crafting makes me happy!

5. Social Media! Yep, guilty as charged! I love social media!

4. Music! I do not think I could live a day without music. Music gives soul, it gives life, it give reason, it gives smiles. Music reminds you of the past and gives hope for future! Music is my heart. Music makes me happy!

3. Chai Tea Latte!! I love a good chai tea latte! I can create my own little imaginary paradise when I drink a chai! Chai tea lattes make me happy!

2. Thrifting. I absolutely love the thrill of thrifting. I love the search. I love the score! I love saving money on something I would normally buy, but getting it on the cheap!

1. MY Pillow. I have to take my pillow with me when I stay anywhere. I don't sleep well without my pillow. It is the perfect softness. It is just perfect. My pillow makes me happy!

My favorite pillow case that I got at the goodwill!!  $1.99 for TWO!!!

I would love to add a mineral make up, face moisturizer, lip gloss, body butter, reality tv, fresh flowers, coffee shops and book stores, too.....if I may. *wink*wink*

Yes, I know things cannot make a person happy, for me it has everything to do with faith. I can only find true happiness in Christ, but I think you get my point.....this list is of things!! 

Now you know a little more about me. What things make you happy?

Monday, July 2, 2012

Did you know???

That I am trying to do whatever I can to improve the life of my family?

For me, that means using what I have, where I am.

I have a laptop and the ability to use the internet.

So I am blogging!

I also have items that we no longer need or want!

So I am listing on ebay!

Did you know if you buy from me, it is not going to make somebody rich {well at least not yet *wink*} is going to help a family that is in great need?

So here is a link to my ebay listings this week. I have more I will be adding this week! So make sure to check back. Also, please share with friends and family that may have a need for any items I am selling!

Make sure you like me on facebook. I often give links to my listings!

Thank you reading my shameless blog post. *wink*

Real content to some point!! hehe

Thursday, June 28, 2012

does yours break like mine?

Oh, how my heart just breaks!

So......real quick your life can just take a turn for the worse. Real quick. Like you blink your eyes and its done! Snap! Over! But its been almost 2 years.....2 freaking years!

I am so mad right now! My heart breaks. I don't know how to change things. I don't know what to do. Right now my best is not good enough. And my husbands best is not good enough. And  my kids deserve so much more. I guess if they never had, it would make things so much easier to take. I don't know....maybe not.

I hate that I cannot take them anywhere. I hate that they cannot participate in sports. I hate that they are not living a 'normal kids life'!!

My heart just breaks.

My heart hurts for them.

I am so mad at me.

I am so mad at my husband.

I am just so mad.

I am at my worst.

Not many people can handle my worst, which of course leads to loneliness.

But I have to keep showing up, whether I have a smile on my face or not. And honestly, right now I do not. Its more like tears. You see, my son is bummed. He wants to get to participate in some things that we cannot do. He sees others doing them and he cannot. It makes him sad and he feels less worthy. And he is trying to be strong. And I see that. I know how hard it is to have to continue to be strong. It breaks my heart. And the thing is, in my opinion he is SO worthy. But I am his mom. I am partial. I adore him. Did I mention that I hate this? Can I just snap my fingers and this horrible, no good, very bad, very long nightmare be over?

I plan on showing up in this blog, whether I am smiling or crying. Today, right now, I am crying. I hope to bring smiles soon. But I am all about being real. And if you ask me how I am might wanna carve out an hour or so of your day.