I have talked here a little bit about what I think God is doing in our life. How I have always had a heart for those in need, but not done much, except pray for them. And how I think God is bringing us through this {exceptionally} hard time, so that we may have true compassion.
My uncle, who is the pastor where we live has a huge compassion for those struggling with addiction, because he himself struggled with addiction. I cannot understand what he can. I do not have the depth of compassion that he does, because he has been there, done that. It doesn't mean that my compassion isn't there, just means I don't fully understand it. I don't understand what it means to be a survivor of domestic violence or child abuse. I have never gone through those things. I do have a {huge} heart for victims of those things, but I cannot fully grasp what it means to have come through them on top.
I can, however understand what it feels like to have nothing. To not have a home. To feel like a loser because I am not taking care of my kids the way they deserve. The shame. The embarrassment. The judgments of others and of self. I completely understand the not knowing exactly what to do. I understand the wondering..."How did this happen so quickly!" To feel rejection. To feel the loneliness that comes with this. I can understand those things, I can fully grasp those things......and I have a roof over my head! I can only imagine those feelings are intensified for those that do not.
So with that, soon after I wrote this post, I read this amazing, awesome, fantastic o post {ps, please click on the link she has in her post about her previous post written on Friday.....and help if you can!!} by that missionary that I told you about earlier. I cannot express how much I loved reading it. Because of course soon after I wrote that post these thoughts came into my head.....
"Your gonna be homeless forever"
"What makes you think you can help other families, you can't even help your own"
"This is a hopeless situation"
"How many times have you wanted to start this or start that, and failed"
"Your a loser, you have 8 freaking kids and YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM!!"
"Look around at your clutter! How can you do anything if you can't even take care of a tiny 2 bedroom apartment"
"Speaking of apartment.....how could you not get your life together after living totally rent free for almost a year.....how much longer do you need!!"
I am pretty sure that that blog was written specifically for me, and no one else. And I love that there are other people in this world willing to be vulnerable. Willing to be really real. Willing to show they are human. Willing to show they are normal. Willing to allow others to see hurt, pain, real life. I am so over faking happiness, over faking strength, over putting on this great show for social media so everyone can think your life is freaking amazing and then they wonder why their own life sucks! Actually, friends, it doesn't suck. It's life. Life is full of mountains and valleys. Peaks and lows! Don't think because people portray a fairy tale, that there isn't hurt or pain or stress in their life.
I don't know about you, but I am a daughter of the Most High King. And he loves me no matter my flaws. He loves me even in the midst of clutter. Or homelessness. Or bad choices. Or failing at being the perfect, or even good mother, again and again. He loves me even when I don't deserve it. And even though circumstances suck....and they do. Oh, they really really do!! I can trust and believe that He loves me. I don't have to hold on to the enemies thoughts, for long. And I know He has a plan for me!
**side note....These pictures of the twins were taken by an older sibling. Yes, I see the glare.....but they were packing their grocery bags and going to work, in our old home town. And those faces.....love those faces!!
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